The most fun I’ve ever had…

I am lucky, I make o.k. money that lets me go on vacations, live in a great house and have fun spending money on clothing, good food and gadgets. All of that is fun but the real fun for me is when I feel alive. What do I mean by ‘feeling alive’. I feel alive when my senses are awake, my emotions are free to feel everything, when I can feel sad and cry when something horrible happens to someone and when I can feel happy and excited when something really great happens as well. The more years we are around, the more we think we have figured life out. We have our set routines. We know what we’ll eat for breakfast, what style of furniture we like, what style of clothing we will wear, what the people are we like and who we don’t like, what religion we belong to and so on. The more we think we have figured life out the less we re-invent ourselves. But unfortunately, at the same time our range of the emotions we can feel goes down, our spontaneity goes down and our willingness to explore decreases. When most of us were in our teens we were excited to explore who we were are going to be. We wanted to learn, make money, find great friends and life partners to build our lives with. The sad thing is that most people will not change up their routines any longer when they are in their 50th and 60th and 70th.

The real luck I have is not that I make o.k. money but that I found people who are explorers no matter how many years they are around. I just attended the People Unlimited New Years Launch Event in Scottsdale and I was lucky to be with Bernadeane who I saw completely change her routine around once again. And Bernie is not in her teens, or 20th or 30th. I know Bernie now for about 25 years and I’ve seen her change her routine around over and over again. Usually when I see Bernie change is when she feels that what she has been doing is no longer building her body or the people around her. Bernie changes things most people wouldn’t change like life style, food, opinions, believes, the way of interacting with close friends and family. Each time I see her change these things, I see Bernie be more alive. I see her more charismatic, more vibrant, more smiling and laughing, more excited about her day, more excited about her future. My mom is only 10 more years around than Bernie and I care for her a lot but I have not seen my mom excited about her future for a very long time.

The most fun I have is when I get up in the morning and don’t live the perfect routine but have the intend to do whatever will most build my body and the body of everyone around me that day. What can I say, what can I do, how can I interact with my co-workers and clients so that their life is easier that day? How can I make the people around me feel valuable, wanted, smart and just overall great? How many people can I make feel that way?

It’s so much fun to live my day that way because I have to re-invent myself all the time and there is no set routine. It has no right and wrongs and the dreadful feelings of being impatient and frustrated with others don’t exist. My day is not planned around a long and important ‘to do’ list but around the intend to do what will make my life better and what can make the lives of the people around me better. This requires all my senses to be aware. Great routines always come with the threat of failure. Failure because I might not be able to do everything I said I would. Living around the intend to making my own life and the lives of others better, easier and more fun knows no failures. In the end those failures of missing a goal or not completing something you had committed to are fun killers. They can make you feel small and insufficient and unimportant because once again you have broken your word. Making another person smile and have a moment of laughter or making a certain task easy for others or just giving someone that feeling of how important they are to you has instant gratification. In those moments failure does not exist and the feeling small and insignificant which is so common is extinguished. There are no limits of how easy life can be and how happy we can be and how important we are to each other.

There is no downside to living…

I sometimes feel guilty when I am doing so extremely well in a certain area and others are struggling.
I am doing so well in so many areas like I just enjoy Otto – my life partner soo, soo much. I am with Otto now intimately for close to 20 years and I enjoy him more now than ever. I like being around him. I like spending my Sundays with him. I like calling him during a work day just to connect and to hear his voice. I like listening to him when he tells me what he experiences during the day. I simply enjoy him so much.
Or I am so happy because I am having Joe and Bernie over for an evening of delicious food with the most happy making conversations and feelings for each other. Where we are so personal with each other laying our lives all open with no inhibition and no secret places and nothing is right or wrong. We just feel a tremendous amount of caring for each other while knowing that we will always be together. That the years we have ahead of us will not bring death and separation but only more closeness with each other. We know that we will never disconnect or shut down from each other no matter what we experience. We know this because we have only become closer in all the years we already know each other which is getting close to 25 years now. We know that every day we live makes us better and healthier and more alive. We know that we don’t have to see each other physically fall apart, get sick and die.
There are times when I feel guilty for doing so well because some of the people I care so much about are struggling with their health or with their money or with their intimate life partner or their physical immortality. Seeing them struggle sometimes makes this feeling of guilt come up and I want to create a problem for myself. I am asking myself ‘Why am I doing so well while they are not?’, ‘Why is this fair?’, ‘I am not better than they are so I shouldn’t do so well.’ But being physically immortal I know that I need to be radical in feeling so well. I know that I can only make a difference if I am the one who steps out of the way of living with struggles where you get over one thing only to face the next problem that brings you down. I know there is a life that has no downside. I know that there is a life that only has an upside. I know this life is available to everyone but I am actually living it.
What makes it easier is that I am not the first one. There are lots of people already living it. I wish there would be more and I know there will be many more who will choose to live the life of only getting better.

Loving a person the ‘old’ way sucks…

When you are physically immortal you care for other people in a completely different way than when you are not physically immortal. You love when people around you become alive. You love when they all of a sudden do something new that pleases them and makes them more vibrant, more charming, more interesting, brings them more money and simply makes them happier. You care for them in a way that you feel better and happier when they feel better and happier.
At the same time you have to stay away from all the ‘old fashioned’ caring. You have to stay away from loving them so much that you would be happy to give your life for them. No matter how much you care and love a person you know you sabotage what you have with them when you give your life for them. You know it’s a killer when you give up something you love yourself so much in the name of loving the other person.
When you are physically immortal you know you have to stay away from caretaking, sacrificing, compromising because you know it’s a show stopper for real intimacy. You know that when you ‘with the other person will be going down the drain pretty quickly with the compromising and sacrificing and caretaking. You know that all of a sudden you find yourself resentful, controlling and jealous and you may might ask yourself ‘How did I get here?’ Most people feel like they don’t know why the ‘bad’ happens but it’s guaranteed that sacrificing, compromising and caretaking will make you feel boxed in and struggling and unhappy with the one person you cared so much for.
You have to stay away from doing things for others. The kind of things that you think they need so much from you but when you do them they never seem to make the big difference. No matter how much you do, the other person’s happiness never stays. Because, after all, it’s guaranteed that what you think the other person would need to be happy is absolutely not what they need. They only know what makes them happy and they are the only one’s who can make it successfully happen on the long run. The only thing you can do is encourage them in it.
You have to stay away from protecting others. When you are physically immortal you need to be vulnerable and open with your feelings facing a situation straight ahead. At the same time you need to stay away from ‘I don’t say everything because I don’t want to hurt you’. When you are physically immortal you know that the other person will feel your body language, they will feel that you are holding something back and it will cause separation and more pain in the long run.
When you are physically immortal you know that it’s better to face pain instead of avoiding it. You encourage the other person to walk through it so that they can be free of it. At the same time you know you have to do what is the hardest: You can’t do any of the walking for them. You know the other person needs to make their changes. If you try to do anything for them you are only hindering them from succeeding. If a person you care about struggles with making money, you know that you can give them some money to help them over a hump. But if you pay their bills all the time, they might never overcome their blocks and you have doomed them to a life that will never feel really prosperous no matter how much money you give them.
When you are physically immortal you have these immense ‘caring’ feelings for others because you want them to live so freely and so abundantly and so rich and so fulfilled and so happy and so well in every way. But you know that you can’t do any of the living for them. You can only do your own living. You know that no matter how much you feel for them what feels abundant for you is guaranteed not the same for them. What makes you happy guaranteed doesn’t make the person you care so much about happy and you have to stay out of their way.
When you are physically immortal you have to stay out of the other person’s way but you can never disconnect from them. It’s the weirdest feeling. You need to enjoy the other person for who they are and for what they do, especially when you feel so completely different and you can’t go into ‘independent’ mode. You have to keep feeling the other person and their differences and you need to be open with your feelings and personal and vulnerable.
Basically, when you are physically immortal, you need to stand on your own feet with others who stand on their own feet. It’s completely the opposite of what we learn when we grow up.

The most beautiful vacation is not good enough…

Otto and I discovered this wonderful place in the jungle. It’s on the Osa peninsula in Costa Rica. It took a 5 hour direct flight from Phoenix to San Jose, then another 45 minute flight to Puerto Jimenez and then a short car ride to get here.
Only 8 hours to get us from our busy lives in the Phoenix metro area to one of the most untouched primary rain forests on this planet. Now here, we are staying in a luxury lodge where we have our own cabin with a private deck overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Just sitting on this deck during the first 24 hours of our stay, we’ve seen dozens of scarlet macaws fly by; I’ve seen 2 endangered monkey species play in the trees right in front of us; and I’ve seen lots of more monkeys share coconuts about 5 yards away from where I was sitting.
At the lodge we’ve been treated like in a 5 star resort. There are 45 employees running this lodge and the most guests it can have at a time is 52. We are now 14 guests and we are all getting first class service.
The first day Otto and I took a hike to a waterfall. We stepped down 443 steps that brought us to the Pacific Ocean. Then we walked on a deserted beach for 45 minutes, took a couple of breaks swimming in tight pools and then got to a waterfall. It felt a little scary to stand under the 50 foot high waterfall in the middle of the jungle but it was a magical experience.
I feel I did hit the jack pot with choosing this vacation spot. Everything is from the text book of ‘the perfect vacation’. At least the perfect vacation for me. It was beautiful and so diverse and just amazing.
Otto and I found ourselves at this amazing vacation spot and I was finding that no matter how beautiful it was, this beauty did absolutely nothing for my intimacy with Otto.
We both found that out when we came back from our walk on the beach. Both of us had expectations on how we should be and we did feel light years apart. So we did lay on our king size bed looking over the beautiful ocean and feeling distant from each other. Then we just simply started to talk about it and we started to feel a lot closer really quickly. Lucky us we were both quick to let go of our images and ideas and the intimacy we enjoy so much between us started to flow again.
The truth is that the most intimacy and closeness I have ever experienced was not on a perfect beach or at any other beautiful place in the world. The most closeness and intimacy I have experienced has been with people who feel that they don’t have to die. People who feel the amazing magic of their body. How we can get physically better all the time instead of fading away and dying. It has been with people who don’t just want to be close and intimate with their life partner and a couple of close friends but who want intimacy with lots of people. An intimacy that doesn’t end ever and only gets better and deeper.
Even though I enjoyed our Costa Rica adventure, it felt like nothing of the adventure of getting close to a person who wakes up to their power that they don’t have to die. It’s the richest experience there is and I am so thankful I get to experience people like that a lot.
People Unlimited has been the place where I have found exactly those people. The best times in my life haven’t been on a beautiful beach, or in the middle of amazing wild life, or on a beautiful vacation with Otto, the best times in my life have been with Bernie and Jim and 200 people who don’t feel they have to die.
My best times with Otto have been around People Unlimited events. We usually are able to be more ourselves and can each enjoy each other better for who we really are away from all the images that we were brought up with and free of any ‘male’ or a ‘female’ role. What a wonderful free way of life to be without our images of who we think we should be but being just the amazing physically immortal persons we truly are.

I need ‘time-out’!!

Otto and I are going on a ‘time-out’ trip. I call it ‘time-out’ trip because everything we will be doing will be different from what we normally do. We will be staying on the Osa peninsula in Costa Rica. The Osa Peninsula is well known for it’s remote location. The Eco Lodge we chose to stay for the week is a 30 minute drive from the next town. You have to drive on a dirt road crossing creeks and I am glad we are going to be picked up since I don’t know if I could find my way. It’s in the middle of primary rain forest filled with an incredible amount of wild life. It has power and warm showers but it doesn’t have cell connection nor WIFI nor TVs or hair dryers – it only has nature.

I love my cell phone and my computer and the ability to stay connected with others all the time. But for the next week I am looking forward to being technology-wise disconnected.

I am looking forward to feeling my cellular connection with others. I feel I need a technology break just so that I can feel myself and others again simply through my cells.

Most of the people who go to these Eco Lodges fill their days with zip lining tours, waterfall hikes, surfing, wild life watching, snorkeling, horse back riding on the beach and lots more. I will do some of it as well but my main purpose is to get a deeper feeling for myself and what I mean with ‘myself’ is the cells of my body. I want to feel my heart beat, my breaths expand my lungs and then contract them again by exhaling. I want to feel my blood go through my arteries and veins, my intestines digest, my muscles enjoy movement and then be still and relax again. I want to feel my skin enjoy the rain and the sun.

More than zip lining, hiking and surfing I want to go on the adventure trip of my organs.

Sometimes – not enough – I take time to thank my heart for beating. Each time I do it, I feel the immediate benefit. It makes me pretty much instantly feel invigorated. I am looking forward to my vacation not because I get to do a lot of glamorous things, but because I get to have time to thank my body. I am looking forward to being invigorated by not only feeling my heart beat but by thanking all my organs for the work they do non-stop.

I feel every person should step away from everything once in a while just to thank themselves for what they do every single day. We are so invaluable and so very irreplaceable and we move small and big mountains all the time. We should never take ourselves for granted. The more we feel how valuable we are ourselves, the more we can feel how valuable are the people around us. I am looking forward to being with Otto on my adventure trip. I value him so much and he means so much to me in my every day life.

I am so looking forward to my vacation!!

I am not made for being alone…

I was never made for being alone, yet I was taught from early on I should make it alone. I had a lot of friends who’s life dream was to have enough money to retreat to an island or the mountains.

I never wanted to be on an island no matter how beautiful it looked or on a mountain far away from civilization. I always felt like being alone was punishment. I could never see anything good in it. Yet, for the first part of my life it was hard for me to connect to others. I always felt there were conditions associated with these connections. Conditions and rules. And these conditions and rules could change at any time without any notice. And I believed I had to get them right or at least be in the ball park of right to be able to connect to people. I found myself using most of my brain power figuring out how to be. I observed others who seemed to be cool trying to be like them so I could be cool and attractive as well. I found myself in conversations attempting to simulate what the other person wanted to hear so I could be that way and be interesting to them. It was very hard work.

All of these strategies were really pathetic. Lucky me I was really bad at them and they never got me anywhere.

Feeling that I don’t have to die has kind of cured me from all the trying to be like others.

Not having to die comes with a complete set of new ways of living. There are not many people who feel it so all the trying to be like others falls to the wayside.

And then it’s pretty much impossible to be really alive – I mean so alive that you never have to die – without simply being yourself. If you don’t want to be the unique person you are, you are pretty much a lost cause for physical immortality.

I remember the first time when I had the physical feeling that I didn’t have to die. It lasted only for a little bit before I went back to my normal try to be like everyone else mode. That moment was magical. It came out of the blue just from within myself. I had been involved with People Unlimited and a whole community of people that didn’t feel they had to die for several years then. During those years I had completely fallen in love with these people and it was easy for me to ‘think’ that it was possible to live without an end.

Yet what I hadn’t done at that time was experiencing ‘not dying’ in my own person. Yes, not dying is an ‘experience’. When I first experienced it, it came as a surprise. I was living in Germany then and it was an evening like any other evening. Nothing was out of the ordinary. This was until I had a sensation that I had never had before. I felt a physical vibration and tingling all over me. It felt like my cells caught onto fire and all of a sudden came alive. And this aliveness was not just within me, it was a physical connection with a very selected small number of people. People who are still in my life now. Now 18 years later, I feel an even stronger connection to them. These people are Otto – my intimate life partner for nearly 20 years – Bernie, Jim and Chuck. Bernie, Jim and Chuck are the first three people who had told me that they weren’t going to die. They were very open and had no intimidation around living without an end physically. And even though I didn’t really know them personally then, that evening I could feel them.

Now 18 years later, I no longer live in Germany, I live in Cave Creek, Arizona. Otto, Bernie and Jim are in my daily living now and I am even more connected to them. I now have many more people I feel this connection to. I now have this incredible physical sensation of physical immortality pretty much every day.

The interesting thing is that in all of this connected feeling I all forgot about having to figure out how to be. I just am. I turned out to be very unique. I have hobbies none of my friends have. I eat like no-one else around me eats and my eating habits are getting weirder and weirder all the time. It’s fun to be so different and it’s natural. It’s a relief that I no longer try to connect with people by trying to be like them.

My secret to being happy…

Every day when I wake up I just feel happy. I love to start my day. I jump out of bed without needing a cup of coffee. I am just ready to go and to live my life after a good night’s sleep. I find it so wonderful to be alive.

This hasn’t always been like that…I remember times when I stayed in bed for hours because I didn’t have a reason to get up. I remember times when I had to see a counselor because I was sad most of time.

And here is my secret what got me there…

To make my point, I am starting out with a short story. So be patient and stay with me through it for a little while and you’ll see it makes sense by the time you finish reading 🙂

I have been owning a horse for over 8 years now. His name is Lucky. He is 18 years and when I bought him at 10, he had had 5 owners before me already. Whoever had owned him before me had irritated him and it took him a long time to feel safe around me and trust me. But now he does and we have a wonderful flow.

Same as people can have one leg shorter than the other, Lucky is much tenser on his right side and it’s hard for him to go around a circle clock-wise. Counter clock-wise is fine. Just when I take him around a circle clock-wise he is struggling to keep his balance. What also happens is that he throws me off to his left side when riding him. In the first years of having him I didn’t even notice. Until one day my trainer told me that my saddle was completely uneven. I had been riding on Lucky throwing me off to one side for a long time and the saddle was now absolutely misshaped. I pretty much have to buy a new saddle every 2 years just to be able to sit in the middle of my horse and get even support. Right now I am in between saddles. Lucky and I wore out my last one and now I am gathering money to buy a new one again.

Last Sunday I had a riding lesson with my trainer Jo. Jo is a phenomenal dressage trainer and I enjoy my lessons with her a lot. To help me out in my saddle situation, Jo let me borrow one of her saddles. She gave me a so called treeless saddle. A treeless saddle is pretty much some leather pieces sawn together to fit on a horse with stirrups attached to them. It was a very awkward feeling to ride in this saddle.

When I first started to trot Lucky I felt like being thrown all over doing my best to not fall off. At the same time Lucky got more and more tense and did speed up which made it even harder to stay on top of him. Jo told me to slow down over and over again and I was able to accomplish it for a couple of seconds only to find Lucky speed up again right after.

Then I did one thing that slowed Lucky down. It was something really easy to do and much more effortless compared to what my slow-down strategies had been before. Lucky responded to this one thing immediately and kept in a slower pace for pretty much the rest of my lesson. It was effortless and miraculous.

The one thing I did that made everything so easy was that I simply started breathing. I had been apprehensive trying to get comfortable on the new saddle and I had held my breath. The moment I started breathing, I started to relax and Lucky responded instantly. I needed much less aids to get him to do what I wanted from then on. He just responded to the tiniest signals and it was a pleasure to ride him. At the end of my lesson I felt completely comfortable on the treeless saddle and I had completely forgotten how awkward it had felt in the beginning.

Having a great riding experience is phenomenal but it’s not why I am so happy. And breathing is a great tool to relax but it’s not what makes me so happy either.


Same as Lucky instantly responded to me relaxing, I physically change when I get into the presence of Bernie and Jim. Bernie and Jim own People Unlimited and I know them now for a very long time. I’ve been with them thousands of times over the years and it never fails, the moment I get to be around Bernie and Jim, I physically become alive. When that happens I don’t think to be more alive and I don’t plan for it, it’s just something that simply happens when I get into their presence.

Sometimes I am tense because I had a stressful day at work and the moment I get to be with them I begin breathing deeper, my thoughts lighten up and I feel much more positive about what has been bothering me. Often I start feeling excited and I don’t even have a particular reason for it. I guess it’s just an excitement to be alive. When I am not in Bernie and Jim’s physical presence but take time to think about them, I feel instantly better as well. Being around them has a physical effect on me that makes me feel happy and more alive. The change happens as instantly and as effortlessly as Lucky relaxed when I started breathing riding the new saddle.

Most people I tell about People Unlimited and what we are all about can’t wrap their mind around us. They can’t grasp that we are a community of people who don’t die and we do it by creating an environment where the human body is encouraged to live. The first thing they usually ask is ‘what do you do to never die’? They usually expect an answer like ‘you need to eat this diet’, ‘you need to do that exercise routine’, ‘you need to do A, B, C’ and you won’t die. And it’s not that way at all.

When you are in the presence of people who don’t have any sense of having to die, there is a physical change that happens instantly. It’s a change that’s similar to the one Lucky had when I simply started breathing. It’s nothing we need to think about, nothing we have to work hard for and nothing we need to learn like we learn things at school. But there are some requirements. Same as Lucky developed trust in me over the years, I trust Bernie and Jim. The happy, alive, invigorating feeling around them got stronger and stronger the more I trusted them over the years. The more safe I feel with them, the more I experience this physical happiness around them.

I’ve never seen people treat others so well as Bernie and Jim. I’ve observed Bernie and Jim follow through on pretty much everything they say. Over the years I found them being honest about their personal lives with no secrets hidden anywhere. I found them be honest in situations where I had seen no-one honest before. I saw them apologize when I would have been too embarrassed to say anything. I found them give me and others their passion, their best wishes, their money, their heart. I saw them give me and others much more than I see lovers give to each other ever.

And yet, I’ve seen people have the most hostile reactions to them. I think we have a sense built into us that says ‘don’t trust a stranger’. And when we meet someone who is utterly different from what we’ve ever experienced no matter how good it is for us, our suspicious mind and critical thinking goes over the top. The last thing most people do in those situations is ‘feel safe’.

The reason I am so happy is because I am smart to know that this mis-trust and this suspicion is simply wrong. I have disregarded those feelings and have followed another feeling instead. A feeling that was much stronger. The feeling that I just wanted more of what felt so good. And what simply feels so good is being around Bernie and Jim. I love their intensity and find that same intensity in me. I love to live free of suspicion and a critical mind. It’s what makes me so happy when I wake up in the morning.

Now every day when I wake up I just feel happy. I love to start my day. I jump out of bed without needing a cup of coffee. I am just ready to go and to live my life. It’s so wonderful to be alive and to have found Bernie and Jim who boost me to live without limits. I wish every person on this planet would start trusting them and would want to be with them. It would be a much happier world.

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