The most fun I’ve ever had…

I am lucky, I make o.k. money that lets me go on vacations, live in a great house and have fun spending money on clothing, good food and gadgets. All of that is fun but the real fun for me is when I feel alive. What do I mean by ‘feeling alive’. I feel alive when my senses are awake, my emotions are free to feel everything, when I can feel sad and cry when something horrible happens to someone and when I can feel happy and excited when something really great happens as well. The more years we are around, the more we think we have figured life out. We have our set routines. We know what we’ll eat for breakfast, what style of furniture we like, what style of clothing we will wear, what the people are we like and who we don’t like, what religion we belong to and so on. The more we think we have figured life out the less we re-invent ourselves. But unfortunately, at the same time our range of the emotions we can feel goes down, our spontaneity goes down and our willingness to explore decreases. When most of us were in our teens we were excited to explore who we were are going to be. We wanted to learn, make money, find great friends and life partners to build our lives with. The sad thing is that most people will not change up their routines any longer when they are in their 50th and 60th and 70th.

The real luck I have is not that I make o.k. money but that I found people who are explorers no matter how many years they are around. I just attended the People Unlimited New Years Launch Event in Scottsdale and I was lucky to be with Bernadeane who I saw completely change her routine around once again. And Bernie is not in her teens, or 20th or 30th. I know Bernie now for about 25 years and I’ve seen her change her routine around over and over again. Usually when I see Bernie change is when she feels that what she has been doing is no longer building her body or the people around her. Bernie changes things most people wouldn’t change like life style, food, opinions, believes, the way of interacting with close friends and family. Each time I see her change these things, I see Bernie be more alive. I see her more charismatic, more vibrant, more smiling and laughing, more excited about her day, more excited about her future. My mom is only 10 more years around than Bernie and I care for her a lot but I have not seen my mom excited about her future for a very long time.

The most fun I have is when I get up in the morning and don’t live the perfect routine but have the intend to do whatever will most build my body and the body of everyone around me that day. What can I say, what can I do, how can I interact with my co-workers and clients so that their life is easier that day? How can I make the people around me feel valuable, wanted, smart and just overall great? How many people can I make feel that way?

It’s so much fun to live my day that way because I have to re-invent myself all the time and there is no set routine. It has no right and wrongs and the dreadful feelings of being impatient and frustrated with others don’t exist. My day is not planned around a long and important ‘to do’ list but around the intend to do what will make my life better and what can make the lives of the people around me better. This requires all my senses to be aware. Great routines always come with the threat of failure. Failure because I might not be able to do everything I said I would. Living around the intend to making my own life and the lives of others better, easier and more fun knows no failures. In the end those failures of missing a goal or not completing something you had committed to are fun killers. They can make you feel small and insufficient and unimportant because once again you have broken your word. Making another person smile and have a moment of laughter or making a certain task easy for others or just giving someone that feeling of how important they are to you has instant gratification. In those moments failure does not exist and the feeling small and insignificant which is so common is extinguished. There are no limits of how easy life can be and how happy we can be and how important we are to each other.

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Most people I know want me to be a certain way. When I grew up my mom and dad wanted me to believe in the same things they did. They wanted me to be tolerant with others, they wanted me to like art and Jazz music and they wanted me to put the family first. In school my teachers wanted me to understand the subjects they taught the same way they did. Very few of them encouraged creative thinking or that we came with our own views and answers. Most people who live in the same social structures want you to feel the same. E.g. people who believe in God want you to believe in God as well or people who don’t believe in God, want you to not believe in God just like them. Or people who like abstract art seldom hang out with people who like traditional art. In the past 53 years I spend a lot of time figuring out how the people I liked wanted me to be. Very often I used all my IQ to understand what they wanted and then I did the best to be like that. With 53 years doing my best I didn’t become better at it. Often I thought so much about how to be when around others that I completely froze and couldn’t say or do anything. People thought I was arrogant, shy or bored when around them. They never thought that I just tried so hard to do the right thing which made me feel so overwhelmed that I looked arrogant, bored or shy. When really I was just making things far too hard for myself.

I am glad that I found 2 people who I like very much – Jim Strole and Bernadeane – who are telling me in their very unique and different way, for over 20 years now, at least 2 times a week, that I am great and needed in my own unique way. And that there is no need to be like others especially not like them. This has been the best experience for me. For over 20 years now I am encouraged to feel myself, to say freely what I feel even if it is very different from what everyone else feels. This has given me the opportunity to experience an intimacy with others that I didn’t know possible. Bernie and Jim have become some of the people I am the most intimate with mostly because we dare to be ourselves and don’t try to make each other what we are not. I have so much every day intimacy with Otto – my boy friend and intimate partner for nearly 20 years now. I am so rich with being so personal now with most people I meet. Overall I learned how to enjoy myself and others especially because we are not the same. 

Now I want to encourage others to be all out with who they are. To dare to feel everything even if it’s different than their parents, boy friend, husband, wife, friends, collegues, etc.. For me it’s now the most exciting to be around people who feel freely who they are and who can freely express it. It makes people so interesting when they are themselves, so valuable! So fun to be with!