I sometimes feel guilty when I am doing so extremely well in a certain area and others are struggling.
I am doing so well in so many areas like I just enjoy Otto – my life partner soo, soo much. I am with Otto now intimately for close to 20 years and I enjoy him more now than ever. I like being around him. I like spending my Sundays with him. I like calling him during a work day just to connect and to hear his voice. I like listening to him when he tells me what he experiences during the day. I simply enjoy him so much.
Or I am so happy because I am having Joe and Bernie over for an evening of delicious food with the most happy making conversations and feelings for each other. Where we are so personal with each other laying our lives all open with no inhibition and no secret places and nothing is right or wrong. We just feel a tremendous amount of caring for each other while knowing that we will always be together. That the years we have ahead of us will not bring death and separation but only more closeness with each other. We know that we will never disconnect or shut down from each other no matter what we experience. We know this because we have only become closer in all the years we already know each other which is getting close to 25 years now. We know that every day we live makes us better and healthier and more alive. We know that we don’t have to see each other physically fall apart, get sick and die.
There are times when I feel guilty for doing so well because some of the people I care so much about are struggling with their health or with their money or with their intimate life partner or their physical immortality. Seeing them struggle sometimes makes this feeling of guilt come up and I want to create a problem for myself. I am asking myself ‘Why am I doing so well while they are not?’, ‘Why is this fair?’, ‘I am not better than they are so I shouldn’t do so well.’ But being physically immortal I know that I need to be radical in feeling so well. I know that I can only make a difference if I am the one who steps out of the way of living with struggles where you get over one thing only to face the next problem that brings you down. I know there is a life that has no downside. I know that there is a life that only has an upside. I know this life is available to everyone but I am actually living it.
What makes it easier is that I am not the first one. There are lots of people already living it. I wish there would be more and I know there will be many more who will choose to live the life of only getting better.