Yesterday I visited Lois in the assisted living home she lives in right now. When visiting her I looked her in her eyes and I touched her hands and I held her body and felt her aliveness and I felt no age. I felt intense electricity run through her and me when we were touching and I felt no end for both of us in it.
At the same time I saw what it does to you when you are in a place physically where you can’t walk freely, where you can’t go where you want to go spontaneously, where you have to be concerned with all the things that don’t go right with your body. When you are confined to a small room, when you are dependent on the people of the assisted living home to get a shower, who might or might not have the time to do so in a given day. I felt what it meant to have your own imagination as your largest entertainment but you don’t have the strength to participate in the adventures of running around in the world with other people. I felt how it is to have to eat ‘Assisted Living’ food when the Assisted Living facility wants to get more profitable and mostly serves food that has been processed so much that you can’t even recognize what it is you are eating. And for all of it you pay the price of a luxury hotel.
Aging sucks and when leaving Lois I got in my car and I felt I had to run away from aging and death. I felt I had to run away so quickly that I pushed the sports button in my Fiat that makes me feel the extra speed when I hit the gas pedal. It felt good to move so quickly. I didn’t feel I had to get away from Lois – it actually felt great to hold her and to be with her – but I felt I had to run away from aging and death.
It’s easy to feel that we want to run away from old age and death. I see a lot of people feeling it but then at the same time most people don’t think they have a choice and they prepare to be in a nursing home some day. They don’t see that running away from aging and dying can be real. They don’t see that the electricity in their bodies – which is the electricity I felt with Lois – is such an intense force that can take us to a new life together. A life that sees changes but no death.
I am in my 50th and I can feel the downward feeling of the beginning of aging. It feels like a strong voice all over my body that tells me ‘it goes down from here on’, ‘there are things in your body that fall apart and you can never change them and you have to go down with them’.
I say ‘NO’ to these voices and I run away from them quickly.
Running away from death and aging is the best. It leaves me with the excitement of looking toward an unlimited future. It leaves me with an appreciation of my body and an excitement that fires up the electricity in me. It leaves me thankful to the people who I have in my life who will not die and I see them get better and better in every way in their 40th, 50th, 60th, 70th. I have lots of these people around me every day. BernaDeane and Jim Strole are 2 of them and I am thankful for their inspiration every day.
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